My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
