Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
