I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
