Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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