guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
