Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
