oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
