Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
