bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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