i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
