Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
