there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
