I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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