I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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