I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
