Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
