i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
