I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
