She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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