i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
