hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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