I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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