I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
did i just pee glitter
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