Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
