The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
