summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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