just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We left the knife in your bed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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