It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
