What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
