Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
