I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
