your parents love me but you hate me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
