my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
