bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
