she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
