you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
