I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
