i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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