I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
