i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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