How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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