There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
