Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
