Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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