Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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