Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
