Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
