FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
