Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You left your phone here
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