Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
